Hidden Pain

For the past year I have had only one true wish...That wish is to be skinny. All my family and most of my friends tell me that I'm fine the way I am but something inside of me just doesn't feel right, It feels totally wrong.
I get the feeling that I'm in the wrong body, because the way that I am just doesnt feel right at all. I've been bulimic for about a year and a half now and its beginning to take over my life. Its not something I'm proud of and I don't want people to think that it is.
The Media and celebrity culture is partly to blame for the way I am because of all the images they print, of perfect women with perfect skin, hair and bodies. They don't realise the effect that they have on teenage girls when they publish pictures that have been retouched and changed so that it doesn't refect the real person in the picture at all.
I was thinking about cutting out food altogether but I don't want to get any sicker. I just want to fulfill my wish, and I want to fulfill it soon. I can't live with my body like this. I feel so unattractive and disgusting.
And I know that a lot of people would think that I am a fat ugly bitch and I guess you just can't help the way you think of me. But I would appreciate genuine support and help. This is the first time I have EVER spoken about the past year and a half and I don't want to keep it bottled up anymore because I do think that I need help in someway.
Please don't bully people because of weight or the way they look, sometimes it affects them more than you think it does,


LisaMarie xx